Finding Forgiveness

The Path to Liberation: How Forgiveness Set Me Free

Forgiveness is often seen as a gift we give to others, but I have learned the profound truth: forgiveness sets you free. It was not a sudden epiphany; it was a grueling, years-long climb out of a pit of denial and silent rage.

For a long time, I was determined to take the truth of what happened to the grave. I refused to forgive, or even to fully accept, the reality of the wounds I carried. To admit the truth felt like surrendering the high ground. But keeping that rage close was like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

My journey shifted when I began sitting with myself and the difficult history of my family. I realized that the generational trauma projected onto me was not invented in a vacuum. It was the legacy of pain, the result of terrible things they, too, had experienced. I was led to a profound, painful compassion when I understood the simple, brutal truth: Hurt people hurt people.

The words spoken to me cut deep into my spirit, leaving me unable to understand why I was being attacked when I did nothing wrong. But the saying holds true: hurt people project that pain, keeping themselves down, and hurting those around them who simply want to grow.

The Spiritual Conflict and the Price of Unforgiveness

As a little kid, I was taught about Jesus’ mercy, kindness, and grace. Witnessing those who claimed faith act in the very opposite manner made the betrayal exponentially harder to process and forgive. The actions struck against the core of my spiritual understanding. This internal war is what I explored in poems like “Spiritual Transactions,” where I had to name the generational burdens that kept showing up at my door.

This struggle highlights a profound spiritual truth, encapsulated in Jesus’s teaching:

Scripture: Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

The deeper meaning here is that forgiveness is an act of self-liberation. It is not about letting the aggressor off the hook; it is about cutting the spiritual cord that binds you to them and their sin. By refusing to condemn them, you prevent condemnation from defining your own heart and spirit. You give yourself the very “forgiveness” (freedom) you extend.

Compassion is the Antidote to Generational Pain

My growing understanding that the people I wanted love from were, in fact, struggling immensely led me to great compassion. That pain they projected shows me their own brokenness. It doesn’t make their actions right, but it provides context.

This links directly to the Apostle Paul’s powerful guidance:

Scripture: Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

The vital word here is “tenderhearted.” This scripture commands us to practice empathy, the very compassion you found for your family’s history, as the precursor to forgiveness. It provides the strength to be kind, not because they deserve it, but because your own heart requires that tenderness to heal.

The Ultimate Proof: Breaking the Chain

The most powerful motivation for me to complete this difficult process of forgiveness came with motherhood. My son became the undeniable proof of my healing. The Bible provides a powerful lesson on this ultimate, healing love:

Scripture: Luke 15:20 (The Parable of the Prodigal Son) “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

This unconditional love is the direct opposite of the “Mother Wound” I experienced. The lessons of what not to do helped me become a better mother, improving where the generation before me had never been able to. I learned to choose love over the legacy of the wound, asserting, as in “I’ll Take the Crocodile,” that I would save myself. The finality of this choice is what I declared in my poem “Nothing Will Take Me,” where the love for my child became the shield that made me unbreakable.

Finding Your Way Out: Therapy and the Power of the Pen

My wise friend said, “Good things take time, and bad things happen over night.” The pain was instant, but the processing, the acceptance, the growth, the freedom, took years. This hard-won resilience is the heart of “The one that survives is the ultimate winner,” as proclaimed in my poetry.

I found my way to forgiveness because I chose to go and dig in. This digging involves asking tough questions, both of ourselves and of the others around us.

I strongly encourage anyone grappling with deep trauma to seek professional help, therapy can provide invaluable guidance and tools. However, I know that for some, the structure of therapy can feel intimidating or inaccessible.

If you are struggling to forgive and find peace, but are currently uncomfortable with traditional therapy, please know that you are not without resources. Writing is a powerful therapeutic tool. I wrote Phoenix Rising because the only way I could access the answers was by writing it out.

Before you begin, remember this central metaphor: “A broken heart is a work of art.” Your scars do not diminish you; they are proof of immense pressure and profound value.

A Phoenix Rising: Your Three Steps to Forgiveness

If you are ready to begin your own journey toward freedom, let your pen guide you. Use the emotional phases of Phoenix Rising as your map:

1. Acknowledge the Wound (The Fire Phase): You cannot forgive what you deny. Write down the injustice, the attack, and the betrayal. Confront the truth, as I did in “Pitchfork,” without holding back. This is not about being polite; it’s about being honest.
2. Choose the High Ground (The Rising Phase): Ask yourself, What am I gaining by holding onto this anger? Recognize that your continued defiance and hypervigilance (“Constantly”) are exhausting. The most powerful move is to choose wisdom over rage. Let the pain become the fuel, not the burden.
3. Claim Your Victory (The New Life Phase): Write down the life you are now able to build because you let go. Forgiveness is the act that ensures you are the ultimate winner, free to live a life unburdened by the debt of the past. This is where your new life begins.

It is in the act of releasing that pain—of transforming your tears into ink—that you find the answers you need to forgive, break the chain, and finally find your peace.